Antonio Nogueras

Fight Our Brothers Pt. 1

2011-09-26T21:07:00.001-07:00

Another epic piece I have to get done. This is only Pt. 1. I'm for the most part done with most of the work on this one. I'll be working on Pt. 2 probably some tonight and tomorrow.

Rose of Pink

2011-09-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Taking a slight break from Scratchin' at the Door. I'm to Rose of Pink and writing for clarinet, bassoon, and violin. I'm proud of the intro, but it's a little cheesy. I'm sure some editing changes will be done. Just trying to understand how to do voice leading and how I can make it more interesting. If anything, the counterpoint stuff makes me smile.

2011-08-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

A little something I'm working on. Check back to see my progress.

On Love From Afar

2011-08-30T17:08:00.001-07:00

I can't say I've experienced the love you find between a man and a woman in a circumstance of deep and unchanging devotion, but I can say I have seen a lot of ways couples treat it. The only love I've known is the one I try to express through God, my selfish self, and those from family and friends. Lately a lot of my thoughts have been on the topic of love between people and how God plays a role in it. I can not say these are completely correct observations. In fact, a lot of these are mostly inquiries about love. So discuss if you feel fit to. I'm open to anyone else's interpretation and honestly could use a bit of encouragement these days.

1. I am giving up daily on the things I love. Is this part of being an adult or a functioning member of society? Are those even mutually exclusive?

2. One day I hope we can rid ourselves from the bonds of fear and preference. For me to escape these is to be closer to God and to loving all human beings.

3. I am so glad I do not have the identical love of Christ. To be human with His love is to be horribly and perpetually disappointed. We are lucky we are not God, but we are lucky and priviledged that we can learn to love like Christ did.

4. Most days I'd like to be loved for who I could be and not who I am. Who else feels this way?

5. Is it supposed to be strange that it is easier for some people than others to love themselves first?

6. People talk of love like it is free, but then are only happy about who they receive love from. What does preference have to do with love? How can I be more appreciative?

7. The Bible makes it rather clear that marriage is an expression of love, but moreso it is a coming together of two selfish people wanting to be exclusive to each other. I begin to feel the fears of Paul.

8. True love can not entirely escape the context of circumstances, but it compromises one's priorities of discipline and pleasure.

9. To talk of love is like trying to capture something only for it to escape immediately. I could be dead wrong about everything.

10. When is tough love too tough that it isn't love?

11. Where is the love ya'll?

Jurassic Park: The Musical

2011-04-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

Really awesome to see my ideas get produced. I can't thank the people enough for getting this accomplished. There are more to come and to be posted throughout the week.

Jurassic Park: The Musical will be performing April 9th @ Hailey's in Denton, TX!

An Absence of Color - Beirut Cover - "La Llorona" (A cappella)

2011-03-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

Strangely enough, I got inspired to do an A cappella version of this Beirut song from an episode of Glee. I just imagined the voices taking on roles of the instruments and thought up the arrangement all while in the car one night. I immediately began to text the female vocalists I had in mind who are just itching to make music in the Denton music scene. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have these people as friends and musicians alongside me.

We got the idea to come down from the stairs all sneaky-like from behind the audience so we could surprise them. I tried to keep it a secret. Even my bass player didn't know what I was up to. I wanted to literally surprise as many people as I could. It's so neat I could really see an idea follow through. I really hope to work with these people more in the future.

2011-02-21T18:25:00.000-08:00

A song I've crafted. Credit is due to the Preston Haining, Carlo Canlas, and Robert Boler.

The Campaign Begins!

2011-02-03T16:22:00.000-08:00

So, I've been working on an Ad/Promotions campaign for Jurassic Park: the Musical. I really love working with these people because they're letting me do such fun work. I get to do the more non-traditional stuff I dream of. These people are creative, funny, and I love them. I also admire the work ethic. You don't find that everywhere in an art community. Jurassic Park: The Musical has its first show of the semester at A&M College Station on Feb. 19th, so we made an ad for the A&M crowd. More commercials will be made later and other neat ads will be done. I can't wait to work on the new one.

Pedophili-WHA??

2010-12-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

Thousands of people are boycotting Amazon for an electronic book being sold on its site. The book titled “The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure” received an incredible amount of feedback of about 3,000 comments and thousands of other boycotts of Amazon.com until the site removes such a book. The author claims that the book is to promote the legal use of pedophilic action among children and to hopefully turn society in a much more empathetic view toward pedophilia. Today I’m going to discuss some of ethical and philosophic implications brought upon pedophilia and how it relates to this particular case.

Pedophilia from a communitarianistic standpoint regards it as unwholesome and even harmful to a child. Pedophilia is held with disdain for several reasons:

1. Repurcussions from both ends – Pedophilia towards a child is harmful because it can alter how a child thinks about sexuality. It can lead to perversion and possibly sexual abuse from the pedophile. It also leads to incrimination on the pedophile’s end and scorn from society if found as a sex offender. None of these things contribute to a balanced society which contributing to the wholesome values that can lead all of us to work together as people.

2. Pedophilia itself – Has been frowned upon by the Christian majority due to the fact the Bible plainly speaks out against any kind of perversion of God’s beautiful gift to man. Any form of pedophilia leaves a pedophile estranged from a possible community of people who would be willing to help otherwise.

However, Philipe R. Greaves II, the author, disagrees with the critics about the potential harm of his book in saying,

"I wrote the book to establish guidelines so that people would behave in a manner that is non-injurious to each other, for one, and, for two, to communicate the fact that these people who are so different in maturation, etc., that when they develop relationships, they use certain principles that regular people, adults, would be well to attend."

Kantian ethics says that the intent what makes his actions good. The author has stated that his intent is truly a pure one that should avoid all public scrutiny, but you to have wondered if he thought he’d actually avoid it. This is where Kantian ethics can’t be completely applied because it can’t be used as categorical imperative among other people. However, Kantian ethics does not account for the varying cultures and counter-philosophies that culminate our world. There is no end-all be all answer in philosophy other than the most extreme ones – absolute truth (religion) nihilism. This is why this book should be brought down. It doesn’t make any sense to have it up because the author’s book encourages the ugliness of society.

MY STRAT COMM REVELATION: I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT OMG

This Kantian ethic is probably the biggest thing that made me think in Strategic Communications class. War is purely a utilitarian action of saving one’s country for the greater good. So, while the greater good is of good intent in the mind of a soldier, or country’s well being, it fails to account for the intention of others and that war is not an applicable action for countries.

Criminal Tweeting

2010-11-29T10:25:00.001-08:00

Where do you hide on the internet? Once again the internet police have found two other offenders loosely speaking about horrible acts. They called them jokes, but the lawyers say otherwise. With enough creativity, a flurry of typing, and one click of the mouse, you could expect to see yourself winding up in court.

Paul Chambers simply wanted his flight to be on time, so, he made some wise-crack about maybe blowing up the Robin Hood Airport if his flight was delayed. No big deal, right? Another man arrested was Gareth Compton. He joked about stoning a newspaper journalist with his message: "Can someone please stone Yasmin Alibhai-Brown to death? I shan't tell Amnesty if you don't.” – a particularly offensive comment with a tinge of racism. This is all in good fun, of course; however so, the law was not cool with that.

Both comments were twitter posts that caught the attention of not just their followers, but outsiders who took offensive to these. Chambers was arrestedwas charged with £3,000 for his offense. Once word got around to the twitter community about Chamber’s arrest, a twitter user quoted Chamber’s incriminating “tweet” in protest to what seemed like a very unfair repercussion. Compton was not charged with anything but sent an apology to Yasmin for his behavior.

These comments were seen as throw-away statements that meant nothing to the sender. However, given the times, the public is in a state of mind where people want to take the utmost precaution to ensure your safety. People can go to court for how their e-mail is presented to an entire company or group of people based on upon its content. Twitter is essentially a public e-mail system. I think what the difference between twitter and a message board would be is that one of them is essentially much more public. The venue matters. Just as one shouldn’t shout fire in a movie theater, no one would tweet murder on a public feed. It is simply disrupting to the public at large and can even harm other people’s reputations if done correctly.

CooksSource Eats Humble Pie

2010-11-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

As much as the world would like to believe the internet is a land of boundless information, we all get greedy and screw up a good thing. Even if you can’t see the law enforcement of the internet, the laws still hold their weight over countless lines of code. Some might find it petty, but the law still applies to pie.

I’ll explain:

In 2005 Monica Gaudio had written an interesting article and recipe about apple pie. It was written for godecookery.com and titled “A Tale of Two Tarts.” Meanwhile, as time passed, Cookssource.com thought it pertinent to not only copy her work, but to abridge her writing for their own commercial purposes. No permission was asked of Mrs. Gaudio, but was given credit. When Gaudio caught wind of this, the question of ethics and legality on this issue was prompted on her part at Cooks Source for their glaring error in judgment.

The e-mail sent in reply to Monica Gaudio’s request for a donation to the Columbia School of Journalism and an apology, was not what anyone would have expected from professionals. Judith Griggs sent back an e-mail laden with condescension and ignorance of legal rights. To sum up Grigg’s e-mail in one quote from it: “…Honestly Monica, the web is considered “public domain”…” Let all of us put face to palm slowly.

Unfortunately, we can’t point our finger at plagiarism because Mrs. Gaudio was credited for her work. It seems strange CooksSource would care about her article being her original idea, but completely disregarded the fact that copyright laws exist even on the internet. To clarify, the ingredients of a recipe are not under copyright protection, but the actual writing of the recipe is. This makes sense because copyright protects the creative property of original literary works. It also dictates that only the original author or owner of the work may decide how to distribute or copy the work produced.

For anything to be public domain the work must have survived for several years. If anything on the internet were truly public domain, I question Cook Source’s thought process and success. Seeing as how Cook Source is a commercial website that was supported by ads, one would have to wonder what they would think if another commercial site uplifted their articles as well. Sites would be making money off Cook Source and completely destroy its audience possibly with better advertising, web-design, writers, and so on.

Cooks Source has issued a large apology on the entire issue and the response they received. It’s because they’re professionals, I think.

Activism Has a Funny Bone

2010-11-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

Multi-broadcasting spoofs, satire, and the like are attaining a different kind of credibility. People realize that the Onion is just out to make fun of everything, so it’s not a credible news source. However, the credibility of being a sufficient body of humorous work not to be taken seriously takes everything in a different direction. And as well-known as The Onion is for its satire, to some degree you have to wonder about where does it stop? When can these satires go a bit far? One might consider the legal ramifications; the Yes Man have!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkLzK13rI-Y

In this YouTube video provided by bnetTV.com, they give a rather nice view of what it looks like from the Yes Men’s perspective. The Yes Men are out to get those who have wronged the world by being what they say is funny. They say that they are willing to go toe-to-toe with Exxon if they decide to press charges because Exxon is somehow this corporate evil. The interesting thing about these sort of spoof attacks is that it lets people actively speak in a non-traditional way. Usually, these have mostly been ineffective and not taken seriously. However, seeing as Dow lost $2 billion, I’d say the effectiveness is now in full swing.

I think a few things need to be considered when discussing this topic:
The subjectivity of humor - Let’s face it. Not everyone is the sharpest tool in the shed, and not everyone has the same sense of humor. While the Yes Men are effectively raising a few eye-brows, they aren’t the silliest of people. They’re hinting at real problems, but that mark could be missed entirely. They present some things well enough to where you wouldn’t know the difference between them and the company they are going after. Not only does it confuse what their intentions are, but it also confuses a consumer about a brand or product. Is it really worth the skits? My answer: Yes! Our world is so ADD, that how things are presented has become more important to what is presented. If it’s catching people’s attention in a creative way, then it wouldn’t that much more of a difference if they presented the facts in raw form. It’s very much like advertising, and I’m all for that.

The Thin Line - Could The Yes Men be sued for what they do? They could be, but it’s something worth considering if the information brought is false or has mislead people to believe something that is not true. The Yes Men are on an incredibly dangerous line. The only way this ends in the long run is that eventually these satires will be heavily regulated or we will be stripped of the satirical privilege and revert back to good ole cold hard facts.

Companies need to be on the alert. PR needs to combat situations presented based on the degree of threat presented by other groups trying to bring down the actions of corporations. Brands are now open for attack than ever before. Good news for PR job, but bad news for advertising. Activism is hilarious, isn’t it?

A Black Hole for Crediblity

2010-10-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

ESPN’s coverage of the Leach’s firing from Texas Tech is something interesting, because it truly does bring into perspective the importance of the audience. At times some reports must seem trivial and are nonchalantly brushed off the coverage - no big deal.

I’d say ESPN’s credibility is affected in that the truth was not presented accurately. It was a supreme case of negligence towards their audience. While the coverage is indeed covered factually, it did not extrapolate on the story at hand. Yes, Leach punished him for a concussion, but why? The audience that viewed this coverage was shocked not just because the actions of Leach, but also because of ESPN’s lackadaisical commentary on the matter. ESPN not only hurt their own reputation, but Texas Tech’s as well.

Texas Tech’s reputation was harmed in that it people might have perceived Tech as not a school who carefully picks out professional coaches. It draws a lot of unnecessary attention to the school from the media that they don’t need. They possibly did the right in the firing him, but they might have fired him for the wrong reasons. I’m not to sure why Texas Tech fired Leach as I don’t think it would be very credible of a university to fire a coach because of how TV network presented their story.
ESPN feels that it was fair, but it did not take into account the reason it survives – its viewers. I’m feeling that a communitarian approach was the best thing to be concerned about. However, it also a utilitarian approach in that it would have saved a lot of hassle for the announcers, ESPN, Leach, and Texas Tech. A lot of credibility and confusion jumped on the scene, and ESPN can thank itself for that.

Bottom line: ESPN needs to play neutral or get its announcers straighten up. Reputation and credibility are on the line from all fronts with careless words.

Conan O'Brien Drives an Explosives-Packed Car Off A Cliff!

2010-10-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

I love CoCo more than you know. RHYMING INTENTIONAL.
This video only proves he's clearly meant for the TV of today.
Jay Leno, eat your heart out.

Banksy Strikes!

2010-10-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know. Banksy is right one of the world's most important figures in graffiti right now. He creates controversial and thought-provoking work. A lot of people are attributing him to creating this intro to the simpsons, but I don't beleive he'd have anyway to create this without the Animation company giving him the rights and the artists to develop this. In any case, this a huge step for grafitti and art everywhere. It's so dark, but I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous and clever the dolphin head licking the envelopes is or the poor unicorn sitting their punching CDs with his horn. It's sheer brilliance. I wonder how this got by. I don't know if it has been aired on TV at all. Since I only found out about it yesterday, and the Simpsons comes on Sundays, I suppose it could have been yesterday's episode? Neat.

Codes of Ethics

2010-09-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

In reading over several different codes of ethics throughout PR, Journalism, and Advertising – eventually trends and contrasts start emerge. You begin to get this funny feeling that it very much the same thing presented in a different way. However, noticing these trends stress and/or underline that maybe each of these ethics has a core values in which they all revolve around.

For instance, most if not all of these codes of ethics lay out a foundation of trust between the consumer and the company. Everything must be factual. A little is a big deal. You come to find it’s usually the first thing mentioned to bring all the other codes together. So what can be found is that trust is simply the foundation of these ethics – almost a natural law. Other strong contenders to trust laid out in these codes are responsibility and integrity.

It is also worth mentioning that these codes tend to come up with what I call “power words”. Why? Well, it sounds cool and I think it’s also a term used in some science-fiction video game. Regardless, these ethics like to harp on some key words and then emphasize their point. For example:

“Substantiation

Advertising claims shall be substantiated by evidence in possession of the advertiser and advertising agency, prior to making such claims.” (Taken from the AAF Code of Ethics)

Some of these ethics also seem to stress more or less a different kind of emphasis. Some stress the responsibility of the company in just being a company . Other codes seem to stress the affect the company has on a consumer and/or the public.

You can tell that the company is genuinely serious about their code of ethics when they leave a preamble to educate you about what ethics is to them ,and to adhere to it the best they can. There is definitely a lack of ethical advertising standards, but I’d say that’s just like Advertising to sum it up and get out of your way, like a true billboard.

An Absence of Color - Delicate

2010-09-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Push Pin

2010-08-18T08:55:00.001-07:00

Here I am. The seemingly glorious week of no summer school before I ride into my last semester of college. The trail of academic pursuits lies in both directions. One where the future leads to my self-education and pursuit for what "real life" has to offer, and on the other behind me - a trail I've left of all things accomplished in time spent. Also, not to disregard the changes I've made. I've spent my whole time in college tweaking my perceptions and accepting others. I've learned a vast amount of information and have more or less applied it to my life and course of action. Now, furthermore, I feel like I've been standing on the sharp point of a push pin.

You see, on the top of that push pin where I stand, I found myself teetering in some direction or another. The push pin doesn't discriminate which direction I fall, but it sure is pushing me to deal with the physics of landing in however I balance myself. So the inevitable is clear. I'm going to fall where the course of my life manifests in new pursuits leading to some ultimate end. At this point, I'm the author. I have several things to tell me that falling into a pool of responsibility and pressing towards the future (some people call it a career) is the recommended course of action. I should have ever-so realized how much of the author I am in my life's story, but I gave it to God and his penmanship. So far He's not too bad a novelist, I've found.

I've come to grips with theories, philosophies, struggles, and emotional pains that overwhelmed my thoughts. Nothing consumed me more than living in my own head, but I did it; I'm prepared to do it multiple times. More or less I've conquered almost every little point of doubt and reformed my optimism. This doesn't go without me saying I've noticed I can be a bit cynical, but cynicism has its substantial uses (see? optimism!). I guess also in conduct of good manners or my own fear, I've still kept some things to myself. Some things I'm not ready to bare; problems I'm not ready to bloom. I can ask myself all day if the education was worth it and come up with seemingly educated responses for my relatives when I've graduated. I could regurgitate the knowledge and logical answers and statistics I know, and still not be satisfied with what I, me, mi, myself, have accomplished. Where am I now but to tap into passions? Where am I now but to take advantage of the life God gives me? Who heard "seize the day" and actually followed through? I want to meet them. I want to laud them in admiration. I can't help but yell at myself for being so lazy. Not only do I sit at this computer contemplating the future, I don't even act upon it! How sick! I thought I was impatient.

There's still so many a thing to do and yet responsibility invents some interesting moral choices of self-sacrifice. So, before the semester ends I'm giving the world one big try to give me and, more importantly, others a chance. To let go what needs to be let go, and grasp what needs to grasped in life. I suppose this is being an adult? Honing in on what's important, like, creating demarcations between necessity and pleasure regardless of the path seemingly outlined before us. Let's see if I can inhale it all in with one huge breath.

Substance

2010-08-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

This blog needs more substance.

Enough of this, "Hey look I write poetry." business.

So, one can now expect more SUBSTANCE.

BRING ON THE SUBSTANCE.

A Recent List of Oddities #7

2010-08-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while. But I'm back with one of these.

1. People are more inclined to sneeze their mucous into their own hand than to touch other things that are less dirty.

2. If you get your fingers stuck in a bowling ball, a wonderful option to help get your fingers unstuck is salad dressing. No joke.

3. It is safer to stay in the car of an elevator than to escape from its top when it is falling.

4. It's more dangerous to drink and walk than it is to drink and drive.

5. Psychologists have found that it's the the least capable people who tend to be the most overconfident and speak out in a crowd. Explains some of the group leaders I've worked with.

6. Babies don't produce tears until 3 months.

7. The sharpest knives in the world are not made of stainless steel but of a ceramic that is second in hardness next to diamond. The material to make the blade can only be found in Australia. Metal has been installed in the knife to prevent terrorists from sneaking them through metal detectors.

8. Kellogg invented and served cereal at a mental institution because it doesn't have any properties that stimulates brain activity.

9. The funny thing about democracy is that people vote mostly for what is relevant to them, and not so much what is relevant to the entire country.

10. Alexander Graham Bell first tried to make popular the greeting of "Ahoy" when you answered the phone. Unfortunately, "Hello" snubbed it out.

11. I never had won a game a poker until I walked into my very first tournament. I won the entire tournament not knowing how to play tournament style and never having won a whole poker game. I'm not bragging. It was really weird.

12. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton were cheerleaders. In fact a bunch of famous people were! SAMUEL L. JACKSON even!*

14. The youngest mother to ever be recorded? 5 years old. Her sexual reproductive organs developed crazy-pre-maturely by the age of 3. She did not have a child later until she was 33.

15. Charles Darwin actually graduated from Cambridge University in the Clergy to be a minister.

*A full list of famous cheerleaders can be found here: http://cheerleading.about.com/od/famouscheerleaders/Famous_Cheerleaders.htm

Is the real world as real as they say it is? Or is it as strange as it seems? TM

Reserved! Shock! Hold!

2010-07-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

Reserved! Couth! Elegant in walk.
Diamond-cut tux and very little talk.
Carnations at his back; he is poised
Alarmed at a greater clamor and noise.

Shock! Jolt! Reckless in run!
Black-clad man with a 6-barreled gun.
Calendar slashed; the date is gone.
Man escaped swiftly across the lawn.

"Hold! Cease!" Exclaimed in speech.
Ragged-worn shirt notices the breach.
Rake at the ground; the trap is set.
The thief in custody for all to forget.

To Live Forever

2010-05-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

"No one dies. No one gets older. No one gets sick. You can't tell how old someone is by looking at them or touching them. No May-September romances. No room for new people. Everyone's an American car in Havana, endlessly repaired and maintained long after its original manufacturer is defunct. No breeding. No one born. No more evolution. No sex. No need to hurry. No need to console anyone. If you want something done, give it to a busy man, but no one need be busy when you have forever. Life without death changes absolutely everything." -- Emanuel Derman

2010-05-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

bulit-in refrain in slow slow heavy waves
next to nothing heart split in coffers
hide this away
Jealousy bursting
ruptured security in my own brain
God I'd give to see something in her change
But if could give God to her wouldn't that be strange
It might mean something
It might mean anything
To let this go
And content myself with myself
Harder to clear out the leaves thoughts leave
behind
It's the season of love
I'd give anything for winter,
to skip bounds past months
right into December
cuz i was fine then

Departure

2010-05-16T02:28:00.000-07:00

Moths shake.
Quiver at steps.
Certain paths
Where light emits.
Rust veils
The age of
Mechanical dinosaurs.
Slow breaths
and our cobwebs.
House in
Decadent textures
Screaming back,
"Please come back".
Wind shifts
at leaving feet.
A path
yet taken here.

Shells

2010-04-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Yolk slipping from egg shells
A basket collected at 3
Enough food for the table
So we can feed a family

Enough sweat to work up
An apetite for an omlette
Hard day turns up the bowl
It’s breakfast at sunset.

With broken shells left
I filled them with paper
A celebration of past revival
Cracked on my children at easter

The garden is wet again
Harvest will come soon
My hands among the dirt
Simply humming a tune

Between notes my son shows
Curious of life’s unfair way
“Daddy, what does life tell us?”
“Son, the hens – they did not lay.”

--Antonio M. Nogueras

Clint's response poem:

red twelve gauge shells in my pocket.
beside a dead dove that
marks my first kill & my regrettable
ascent into manhood. enough blood

beneath its wings to stain my teeth
red shells loaded in the barrel. clay
pigeons & enough feathers to match
shotgun manners & etiquette at the

dinner table. deer bacon, deer sausage,
deer eggs. yolk spilling from shells
of red deer antlers for breakfast at
sunset. woke at dawn to celebrate

this season of death & revival. this
spring when doves fly above ponds
& fall from the sky like white bread
fishing seagulls. perched silent in the

dirt unlatching the safety. breathe deep,
aim high & pull the trigger. wonder yrs
later if dad didn't kill any birds bc of the
blind spot in eye or bc he didn't want to

kill either. twelve empty red shells in
my pocket & one dead dove. I'll never
forget my first –my last– kill. no matter
what life shows. the dove does not lie.

Alcohol: Mildly Extreme Examples

2010-03-07T01:22:00.000-08:00

I rarely like to complain about stuff. I have my comments and things, but I don't exactly angry at just anything. However that may be - today's a different day.

Frequenting a few college parties and hanging with friends is normal. I encourage anyone to party and have a good time in college. Make connections and live a little. But, I've come across a few disturbing examples of how not to party.

Out back of a friend's house a man who had downed 4 Crushers (1 Crusher = 32 oz. of piss Monster Truck rally-styled beer) threatens a man that, if he got dirt thrown at him, he would pick up that person and drop him on the ground. Lo and behold, that testosterone-fueled, drunkified man commits. He picks up a fellow mud-slinger and drops him. The dropped man complains that his spine is hurting and was later sent to the hospital with a worried mother. Let's just say that since this man's logic entailed him reacting to mudslinging, he might as well have thrown children at a meat grinder because they were throwing rocks at him. Brilliant work.

At another party, 2 men are walking up to the house as I'm leaving it. One of their 40's drops to the ground on to the cement in the midddle of the street. They say, "Oh well" and proceed to leave all of the broken glass in a street full of parked cars that will probably be driving all over those shards of tire-eating glass. Now if those men had driven over it and gotten their tires wrecked they might ask themselves, "What jerk would just leave all this glass here for people to drive over? My tires are ruined!". I don't know if they could think that far. I stopped them before they left the scene and told them to pick that stuff up or move it. They seem dumb-founded or lost in all of it. I wasn't a being jerk to them, but I wasn't going to let them not be at least a little bit accountable. Amazing.

And at this same party I walk out to find someone decided it would be awesome to throw a large Jack Daniel's whiskey bottle through a car window of the band that drove from Houston to play a show in Denton. As the band probably had no relation to most anyone that night the drunken logic on that one is beyond me. Good stuff.

Now, lets clear the slate and take a deep breath. I'm NOT against drinking. I don't drink for a lot of reasons, but these are some wholesome examples of why I find it best not too. There are for more worse scenarios than these. A word of advice: Want to get drunk? I don't support that, but alright - be yourself. Are you already an asshole? I wouldn't recommend it - alcohol might just take off your veil and reveal something about you you never knew you could do.

Bottom line: Grow up and drink more responsible. Learn to respect people first before you hit the bottle. You're not the only one living in the world when you drink. Respect and responsibility are key; irresponsibility and disrespect break the lock.

I normally wouldn't write these things, but I feel my assessments are sound. Call it judging, but I prefer realistic. If you have an issue with this - I'm sure some might - please leave me a comment or we can discuss your view. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, but encourage people to live better in our world. Thanks.

2010-03-01T20:26:00.001-08:00

We will tie this with whispers
So not a word makes make it out
We will strangle the sensors
So there's nothing to talk about

We are tightening the lining
With every secret we've sewn
We fear of every stranger
And even those in the know

(chorus)
Keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you
There are dangerous dogs on the other side of the room
Scratchin' at the door, scratchin' at the door
Seconds break with every bark and growl
We'd keep this locked down if we all knew how
They're scratching at the door, scratching at the door

I take a good care of my customers
Bussiness is good when I know they want more
Scratchin' at the door, scratchin' at the door
And just for you I gotta a deal you can't refuse
The first one is free so we both can't lose
Scratchin' at the door, scratchin' at the door

Our suspicions have risen
We live in context and code
Not enough to sleep with one eye open
And not enough to use them both <-- might change

2010-02-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

I've got all this time to spend with you
I've got all this time to spend with you
Delicate your lashes sift through carpet
Your cheek brushed up against the fabric
I've got all this time to spend with you
I've got all this time to spend with you
At your university probably with a book you sit
I'm so very far with this guitar throwing a fit

I'm wondering where to place my lips
So delicate, so delicate, delicate

I've got all this time to spend with you
I've got all this tiem to spend with you
My thumb sweeps below your cheek from a steady stream
Don't worry now. Harder times will arrive if that means anything.
I've got all this time to spend with you
I've got all this time to spend with you
You see big thoughts behind my eyes. I'm afraid of them.
My emotions are a monster and you're just a friend

Grapevine Spits Acoustic

2010-01-31T00:10:00.001-08:00

Fashion and then into tangent

2010-01-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

Fashion. What a strange thing it is. It's not only the very thing we adorn our bodies with, but a means of status and as the reason for what we wear. People are claiming clothes for a huge exchange of money simply to be associated with the brand. The value of the Lacoste Polo has more intrinsic value than might be realized by the majority, but it is understood by the culture of people for which the fashionistas rely on. Fashion is incredibly dependent on its culture in how it shifts and changes. Not to mention how spreads into subsections like roots from the tree. I wonder for women and their flower dresses. I wonder for the men and their blue jeans. Will these fashions fade? Is ugly going to be in one of these days?

Just a wild number of contingencies form and create the reason for wearing what we do. Looking fashionable at the club for the ladies or the boys. Cocktail parties. Formal church wear. All of these have their own set of motives, and maybe even criteria for establishing the norms we have today. There are eyes everywhere evaluating the wear of a person. A cop walks by in uniform and you know what he's about. A person walks by in flannel t-shirt, toms, and sports and bandanna and you figure what that person is about. And all of these silly little things help to shape some world view. Some underlying meaning to all of the is squeezed into what our perception becomes. And isn't that fascinating yet wildly strange? That we could let things like the way fabric establish someone's finite world view? It fits together some personal puzzle of a million pieces for that complete picture and yet not everyone's picture is the same.

When someone dives into the industry, what's very apparent is what is beyond the money spent. The motives of consumer behavior is dependent on so many variables in culture, mood, and personality, etc. Some things beyond understanding.

With further research pushing deeper into our understanding of the human psyche I wonder for the research and scientist. Developments? Actual understanding? Are we truly capable of understanding everything on the earth? At that point is space officially the final frontier? A me where philosophies are shattered at complete understanding of the world. A huge glorious systematic world where everything is testable and predictable. Life with out the life. A complete growing an level playing field for everyone. But even then it will not go away. Competition is thriving, changing, and establishing the way we live. It is creating all who we are and determining our world perception. So my worry now lies in the people who think life is solvable. No problems and only solutions. A world solved by the flick the wrist. I'm more scared for the current problems the world presents to us on a daily basis. They form and create us to grow into that puzzle. What a wonderful world. Simply beaming with opportunity and growth. God bless it.

emo lame blah blah

2010-01-08T21:30:00.000-08:00

You try to laugh out the feeling in your stomach that you've given up.
You try forgetting to tell yourself that you're growing up.
Stop me now because I'm calling it quits
I'm learning now what it means to resist
The self and all it craves
The coldest cold to brave

New song for upcoming EP.

2009-12-21T01:16:00.001-08:00

Picture perfect
You got it all in your head
Mapped out
Like how sewers run
Ideas of ideas of ideas
Before you step, mam
Is there any action
in satisfaction?

Hold your corner,
Don't let go
For all the things you have
You best not let them know
Thinnest thief
Grizzled grief
Set up, set up
in satisfaction

Your hands, Your eyes
They're not done.
They cry for more blood
In satisfaction
In Satisfaction

Diaphonus, just let it through
If the glass fills,
it's not done by you
There is sense of light
Building plight
Setting strife
Noose or knife
Running right
Squeezing tight
Cutting kite
Get what you might
It's just life
Do what you might
It's just life

Tides Roll When Ready

2009-12-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

Fresh as a wave you linger
The salt of familiar things
Undertow passes, the time split
I won't recognize the day
Without you

Just as a whale in the air
A sight seen by few
I can't net, I can't catch
I'm holding on
To you

Honest

2009-11-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be honest
I think we're more afraid to live
Than we are to die.
I've seen my share of teeth
Plastic smiles unsheathed
From lips that speak kind things
But what's really underneath?

I've dug with my eyes into every heart I can find
Values were borders but beliefs were crossed lines
The heart is a vacuum. It sucks what garbage it finds
It contains all the dust and waits for the mind
To filter out the mess and find what's good
It's too bad the filters aren't easily understood.

Prevalance and Persistance

2009-11-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

These wrinkles overcome

Into a Chicago raincoat

But at first I will set myself

Apart and not aside

Let in the air; Make haste

Waste not your life

Let it move

Insights From a "Nice" Guy: Romantics Aside, Man Up!

2009-11-08T15:38:00.000-08:00

I wanted to be involved and included. I've wanted to be so many strange things through my childhood that I was completely different from what others wanted to do. I chose a creative path from an early age and I enjoyed expanding my imagination to use it in story, or song, or through any other strange means. I wanted to invent new ideas and concepts no one was thinking about. I just wanted to be different. That's exactly what I got, too. Me being different led to me feeling left out, and to one day attaining the knowledge of exclusion and thinking independently. Understanding the comforts of the inclusion and the great social benefits of a community of friends, I thus brought it upon myself to be treat people with respect and concern - seeking to be some sort of beacon of understanding for those who feel excluded or confused just like I was. I worked hard at being social and friendly character. I wanted that and I got that as well.

Somehow, along the lines of High School and October 31, I never really felt the actual calling to be a man or to know what that means until now. Sure, I've made a few cracks here and there about how much I enjoy being a guy, but I never understood the point of growing up when all I wanted to do was enjoy the times I had with what friends I had through the good and the bad. I was such a nice guy in particular, but I probably wasn't to be taken too seriously for all the jokes I tried to crack to make some girl interested in me. Yea, I thought that would work like full-proof (I'm also a professional idiot...ladies?). In lots of ways I think I liked being some desparing romantic because I was artistically emo. Thank You, Shakespeare - you douche bag.

I wrapped myself in my concerns and in my worrying for people -- caring too much for others. I kept forgetting to focus on myself. I forgot that I have to live my own life too. As much as I've vicariously lived through other people's drama, I tried setting myself far apart from it to avoid creating my own. Very few times I've took the measure of standing up for myself unless it involved my education -- I was more of a people-pleaser.

If there was anything I wish I had learned in my earliest of Nice Guy phases it's that I needed to be an individual. I forgot about that entirely. I lost my goal of being different and inventive -- to be a better person. I've diluted it with raising concerns for others way too much. My lack of concern for stability and security with my own life has left me to still in some aspects to not be a man, but still a mere boy. I threw away the idea of working out, being confident, and leaving everything to the magic of my charm (if I really do have that [the magic or the charm, I'm not real sure]). In learning this, I've become more aggressive and confident in my decision making. I'm now becoming much more pro-active in my decision-making and setting up goals for my life that actually don't include other people. While I don't think I'll ever stop being a caring person; I think I realize now more than ever the need to be an individual in a society that is so easy to be complacent in. I will stand for what is truth and what needs to be done and ease up on the worrying for what is relative to a person's situation.

I'm learning the lesson of love in that it is patient. I'm letting time do the work, and I'm not going to be worrying about how I might feel out of the social loop, or how much I really like a girl just because I just so happen to be a romantically inclined person. These things are wonderful, but they are material. It has left me unfocused on the Lord above and my life as a whole. While I do invest my time in the friendships I make; I've taken this semester to really focus on myself and where I need to be as a man. To take the reigns of life and lead it in a confident direction however the foggy the roads may be.

A Recent List of Oddities

2009-10-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

1. I know girl who gets jello from the cafeteria just to play with it. She doesn't like jello and makes comments about how it looks on different days.
2. I believe one of the great things about walking across campus is seeing all of the pretty ladies you didn't know existed @ UNT. However, sometimes if the girl is pretty enough I have a sudden urge to walk into them instead of around them.
3. My father once told me, when I was young; I would grow to be taller than him. Unfortunately, I remain at middle ground between my mom and dad.
4. When I'm on facebook I think about all the homework I should be doing. When I'm doing homework I think about all the facebook I could be doing. One theory I heard is that Facebook "takes up all that brain space".
5. Leaders aren't just born. They are sometimes people who get annoyed enough to finally take the position because no one else wants to take it. Some want to be leaders just because it looks good on their resume.
6. You can never be 'whelmed'. Only over or under.
7. A person will tell an artist that they like their work just to be nice. I wonder what these people would think if I said they were 'truthful' and 'honest' - just to be nice.
8. Furries. Seriously, wtf.
9. People like to use their phones for texting, apps, games, and checking e-mail. When did calling people become an outdated method?
10. Some people grow grass only to cut it for social norms sanctioned by neighbors they never even see, know, visit, or talk to.
11. One night I had a dream that I asked a girl to Homecoming. My memory failed to differentiate between a dream and reality. I honestly thought for a while she was going to be my Homecoming date.
12. Some omnivores believe that animals should be slaughtered and eaten because they feel that animals have no moral say in human society - men dominate them. What some of those omnivores would find appalling: That same reasoning has been applied to justify abortion.
13. A lot of people like to write poetry, but not a lot of people are willing to read the work of anyone else.
14. At one time the spelling 'coronel', 'curnel', and 'colonel' existed at the same time. They were the English spellings of the Italian word 'colonello' (It literally means column). For whatever reason, the most obtuse way to spell a word that sounds with an 'r' survived them all.
15. I've been told that Job in the Bible actually dies in the end, but was changed to be more of an uplifting and positive story of faith and devotion. I wonder for Abraham.

Is the real world as strange as they say it is?
Or is it as strange as it seems?

Mother's Blood in a Bandit's Hands

2009-10-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

new song

We tailed 'round like wolves in a salloon
Gnashing silver teeth to anything that moved
Silence snaps! A man turns on a dime.
Let's play a game, Let's play a game
"I'll give you the sign"
Let's play a game, Let's play a game
"I'll take your life, but you can't take mine!"

Hey there, Momma, I shot a man!
Aren't you proud?
Hey there, Momma, I took him down!
I took him down!
And that's not quite all I've done.
It shouldn't hurt to fill you in.
But when push came to shove,
I turned black as sin

Dust trails in my mouth. Spurs spin at my feet.
The child I was is south where mother's arms meet.
You make a choice, You make a choice -
As best you can
You make a choice, You make a choice -
(Wrong or right - it's time to fight)
Mother's blood in a bandit's hands

LIFE IS BUSY

2009-10-01T19:34:00.001-07:00

1. See that advisor
2. Fix and design resume for TraceyLocke internship
3. Schedule meeting with overseer of organizations to make the Organization Budget more appropriate for FOFA.
4. Read 22 Irrefutable Rules of Advertising: And when to break them
5. Read/Buy Tipping Point
6. Study for POLI SCI test and Ad/Mktg Research test
7. Go to Sunday meeting
8. Design album cover for country band
9. Make some sort of system to understand all the crazy math we're doing in Ad/Mktg Research
10. Make/Record music with band & get shows
11. Ask Eamon about Lawnmower
12. Pay MVN
13. Pay bills
14. Mail off check
15. Sleep?

I'm probably forgetting something...

Trouvée dans la traduction, elle brille!

2009-09-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

My sad pretentious attempt at a french love poem.
My regards to the muse.

Elle est audacieuse, effrontée et belle.
Alors que le soleil rayonnait dans les plaques d'or.
Son visage luxuriante avec la lumière.
Son sourire en fleurs vives.

2009-09-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Resist

My fist clench and wrists tighten for the swing.
I was no one before this day.
But today I am someone.
A mission within fingers.
The means of resistance.

2009-09-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

In the event I was encircled by unfounded light.
I composed my will and set forth to understand it.
But the light eluded everything ecapasulated in my sight.
No sense could grasp or perceive what it could be.
Yet, I was aware there may never be something so...
...genuine
so...
discursive and beautiful
One would seek to understand it
Some would be complacent
Into the question of faith:
Like diving into pools of molasses

Reverse - white type out of a solid
Dropout - white type out of photograph
Suprint - Black type over an area of a photo
Mortise - Area cut out of the photograph
Bleed - picture goes all the way off the page

2 assignments
1. Get an ad your going to analyze for design - name, source, date, product, in one sentence. Talk about balance, focal point, flow, whitespace.
2. Look out for Reverse, Dropout, Mortise, Bleed

2009-08-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

Of Dominion and Complacency

Written for a story of a novella I am writing.

From the perspective of Dominik

Circiling the path of a park that was canopied by mossy winding trees; I suddenly stopped to find a homeless man of an interesting stature. He was surrounded in all that he owned from the karts, to the stacks of boxes, to the land he owned surrounding the park bench. In this area, he was king and his own government to the land he had dominion over. He seemed to have no qualms about the surrounding land or in the fact he was homeless - he was content with where he was. I asked him, "Dear sir, what is your reason for staying like this?"

He replied, "Oh, I move when I see it fit, but I have everything I need around me. It has been found on my terms and used in the ways I have intended to use them. I have made my own governement among my possesions, I have elected myself the monarch, and I rule with my own two hands."

I heard this astonished; realizing that I was looking for this same sort of control. To somehow conquer the elements of life before me in the way I saw fit. In some wild way I identified with this homeless person. He had accomplished everything I thought I wanted in life, even if he were to be considered that of the declassed. I searched my understanding and began to ask him to divulge what wisdom he had. I reasoned with my self, briefly, that I should ask him a personal question that had been tearing at me.

I asked, "Is it all still worth taking the risks? Is life worth finding out their worth?"

The homeless man thought for only short moments and replied, "Son, for your sanity and for at least mine, I still to this day dare not attempt to answer that question for me or anyone else."

2009-08-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I realized something:
No matter how much I try, I will always feel alone in a crowded room.
I am caught up into too much arbitrary and repetitive thought.
Sometimes I wonder how much I actually think. Is thinking inner-dialogue? I never seem to produce that very much.
I am too worried about the future.

#64

2009-08-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Evolutionary Philosophies

What sets the world apart from my perception? Is it merely the planetary sphere I live on orbiting the sun the very thing constitutes my reality? There are swarms and masses of people living and breathing and each with their own perception. We are all thinking constantly about what to do next, and how we might make our next move based upon the very things we believe to be true, but maybe not necessarily true. We all might conjure what we perceive to be a truth.

Some people like to think that all people are inheriently bad, and others might want to believe we are all inheriently good. Others might find that our reasons for living is of a religious standard or upon the basis that our lives are actually meaningless and that we all have to somehow write out our existence in this world - to be our own author with our own auto-biographical life influenced by the characters who are also their own authors. A huge giant massive collision of views and beliefs giving birth to fireworks onto one singular evolving canvas known as, "reality".

As much as I want to believe that the real world is composed of the core hard facts and simple truths we humans conjure, it also just as equally important to include the perceptions that might also be deemed as wild, uncouth, and un-wieldly. But aren't these the yin to the yang? Am I not to at first see such views and seperate mine from others? And then how about the conjoining my views to new ones?

I wonder what the indigineous people of various tropics might think if they were able to perceive the ideas and morals of today. It's hard to imagine them changing their ideas and perceptions changing as they would be open to and incredible influx of ideas all of which seem to be contradictory to eather - each of them with their own oppisite poles.

Are ideas just as much a victim of of the "Survival of the Fittest" method? I mean, for the idea of "Survival of the Fittest" to survive as strong as it has, it must have held true prevelantly in many others lives - as it is prevelant in seeing the evolutionary pattern of animals and the adaptability of humans in stressful situations. The evolution of ideas of thoughts and perception is based on so many countless external factors, but at some point particular ideas have reigned as a handful of core ideas. For example, the idea of religion or the idea of Atheism or the idea of existentialism.

I repeat - What set sets my perceptions apart from the world? Possibly, that maybe, my perception is in fact unique to me, but is concurrently affected by what the world has shown me or has indirectly given to me through other states of consciousness. I can only conclude that not much about perception is really that much seperate from the world around me. It is all a part of the flux of life and human nature.

However, the future has me scared. Might the poles of oppossing ideas only further seperate or converge into one giant confusing mess? That's what I'm scared of. I don't like the sound of either of those options. Could there be more options left for us in the future upon the values of existing ideas?

Alright, my head hurts. Part II coming soon, I guess.

#63

2009-08-14T11:26:00.000-07:00

Lyrics in the works

"Things have changed"

Will we know what it's for once we get there?

Will we know what it all could mean?

It's love. It's love. It's love.

It's love. It's love. It's love

and I want to enstill it all.

You say, "Thing have changed!"

And I think that's kind of strange cuz

I never saw that coming

When you say

When you say,

"Things have changed"

2009-08-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

I don't have wisdom teeth anymore.

Hooray, i think.

NEW BLOG wha??

2009-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

My friend, Clint, started a blog where I'll be contributing music, art, internet findings and whatnot to. It's going to be updated quite heavily every day and week. So come check it out!

http://surrealisticsharks.wordpress.com

#62

2009-08-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

Gossip!

I recently watched the movie, Doubt, yesterday and I thought it was really good. This is my favorite scene in the whole movie. Such a great monologue.

#61

2009-08-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

Clint Robertson's Epic List of 10 things He Believes In Rather Adamantly and Should Not Be Equated with His Wish-Washy Views on Movies.

1) there is a god. god is love
2)i am not god. that doesn't give me license to be a complete asshole though.
3) the only education is self-education. read daily. you will still always be stupid.
4) creativity is happiness. be happy everyday. write, sing, draw, laugh. you have begun to think of yourself as an expert in any of these fields (you never will be) if these things no longer make you happy.
5) eat and drink anything in moderation. eventually you'll like them. (the light beer theorem)
6) fuck is the best word.
7) silence and isolation are as necessary as social interaction.
8) failure is beautiful. success is ugly.
9) war is inevitable. get in the way. non-violence only delays but be a beauracrat for peace. when the time comes, try not to shoot or get shot until you have too.
10) believe nothing seriously save one. there is a god. god is love. remember this whenever humanity tries to make you forget. god is love.

#60

2009-08-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

Removing a Rogue

How to remove the Rogue Virus, "System Security 2009" from your Computer.

While I know this isn't some sort of Tech Blog; I still had a bit of a computer adventure that I would like to share. Also, if anyone else on the intarweb would like a quick easy way to remove the rogue virus, "System Security 2009", then here is the story of what I did. Scroll all the way to the bottom for the URL if you just want the spyware removal program I used.

After downloading a KeyGen for a program I wanted, I decided it would be best to install it on my netbook because it had very few files on it, and would probably be the easiest to fix as it still runs on XP, if of course there was a virus in the KeyGen. Le and behold it, in fact, had a virus! Basically, what happened was my wallpaper had suddenly changed to notify me that my computer had been crazily infected. Then a suspicious computer program by the name of "System Security 2009" popped up on my computer stating that my computer had been indeed infected. At first, I thought maybe it was some sort of extension of Microsoft, but I remembered that McAfee SecurityCenter was installed on my computer the day I installed XP on it. I never downloaded any program called "System Security 2009", so I immediately began to go to install a legitamate anti-virus/spyware/malware program called Avast! After installing, I restarted my computer where Avast would immediately be scanning my computer for anything that might be infected. No dice.

The problem was that after installing avast!, the virus had thwarted the file from even opening, so I couldn't run it anymore. "System Security 2009" kept posing as an anti-virus program acting as if it was scanning all of my files and reporting a ridiculous amount of viruses and such (as seen in picture below).

After it had scanned all of the alarming amount of virusii, it asked if I wanted to keep running my computer protected. Once you click the option for "Yes" it immediately takes you to a screen asking for a payment method and credit card information and stuff to install the program. Now I really smelled some bullshit, as most anti-spyware/virus programs as a rule of thumb let you go through a trial period before they even ask for money. This was sick, and clever at the same time. I commend the Black Hat Hackers in some small way, but they are douchbags, and they probably know it.

A virus like this is called a "Rogue" virus which by definition is

"A rogue program is a malicious program that is disguised, for instance, as trustworthy anti-spyware programs or registry cleaners. But these programs are only put on the market to scare you into buying these programs because they make exaggerated claims about the safety of your computer or, worse still, give erroneous scan results or put their own malware in your system." -Malwarebytes.org

I restarted my computer pressing F8 before Windows camp up, and began to run my computer in Safe Mode. Avast was amazingly right there on the desktop waiting for me to use it to scan in Safe Mode. Brilliant! I began to scan without updating the software; I turned my internet off in a possible effort to stop the hacker from monitoring my actions and making some sort of counter-attack and re-activiating the virus (Yes, I was a bit paranoid). However, after an hour or so of scanning my entire computer, nothing had come up except something about about not being able to obtain the Boot Record. Ok? So nothing was really found about this malicious rogue virus. I even tried reformatting my comp, but it wouldn't let me. Good thing I didn't know how to, or else I would have the problem of finding a copy of Windows XP for my netbook. Thank God that didn't happen! I had some pretty valuable History Notes I had taken on the netbook and I have the final tomorrow!

Somehow after attempting to run my netbook in safemode, with Avast! having already scanned it, I rebooted my computer back into Normal Mode with things working normally. The virus wasn't acting up, but the icon for "Sytem Security 2009" was still presnet on my desktop. This thing, I knew, couldn't have been removed.

So I went and took my netbook to the local Computer Repair store right near my house and asked the man working there what I might do to solve this problem, as it seems this could have been something I could fix by myself. He had dealt with this problem in several shapes and forms, but he just so happened to have a program on his flash-drive that would destroy the virus. He told me it's really the only thing that got rid of that he found works great. I was intrigued and lucky he had the program on hand. He just loaded it onto my netbook and gave me his number if I had any questions. What program did he give me? "SUPER Anti-Spyware Free Edition" is the answer! I laughed at the name, as I typically find it hard to take thing serious when they use all-caps words like 'SUPER' in their program name, but I took the guy's word for it.

I installed the program, scanned everything, and it had found 6 instances of Rogue.SystemSecurity and another one that was a Trojan variation of it. Beautiful - I found it!

The program removed it, restarted my computer and the icon was gone. I also assume that the virus is pretty much gone. I might do a system restore later to make sure I don't have more traces of the virus or something on here.

If you want to download this software and fix the problem like I have; you can download the program here: http://www.superantispyware.com/

If this doesn't work, you might have to remove the virus manually. If so, this a good resource to have for removing it. Reading some of the comments might be helpful as well. http://remove-malware.net/how-to-remove-system-security-2009-rogue-anti-spyware/

I have officially geeked out.

Stay sharp, people!

#59

2009-08-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

Inquiriy to the Omniscient/potent/amorous

Impetrable gifts of the foreign sort:

Centrifugual - my thought contorts!

In the expanse a mind must wander

For things ungiven; not for squander.

Holy shell of the I AM - please hatch!

Prayers not in vane; lit like a match!

#58

2009-08-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, glorious day!

Today is good. Why?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are off their hiatus.
I got a good grade on my history test.
It's motherlovin' Shark Week!
I will probably get a 100 on this Spanish test today. (update: 92%. Good enough for me!)
I'm about to drink a Dr. Pepper

2009-08-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

Stop-motion bliss...

#57

2009-07-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

Behold!

I've spent a good majority of my day making this guy in Illustrator CS3 and studying for my History Test. I'm so glad I've gotten this far with the pen tool! This is one my favorite things I've ever made because I love retro robots! I give you the "woah-bot"!

#56

2009-07-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm moving into a house!

I'm finally moving into a house up in Denton @ the Margie House!

I can't wait.

I'm not totally sure when I move in yet.

Details coming later.

#55

2009-07-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

spectroiction...introspection...ispectrocotin

It's been 11 days since the Facebook Hiatus and I haven't logged into my account once. I haven't even begun to think about it much really, thankfully. I was afraid I was going to get withdraws, but I suppose I cut it off right before I got addicted to it.

So what have I been up to? Well, this past week I took 4 tests in which my stress level almost made me depressive on by the end of the week, because I honestly felt like a failure at life. I've been really spending sometime studying and reading on intellectual matters. In fact, right now I'm spending my Friday night basically doing just that.

For examplen, in my google browser I have 4 tabs open. One of them is the dictionary.com page for the word 'elide'. The other, a philosophy forum where I'm reading up on Contextual Quantam Mechanics. And finally, a Youtube recording of an interview with Marilyn Mach Vos Savant who was dubbed the monst intelligent person in the world in the late 80's by the guiness book of world records. Look at me being an absolute geek!

I was out pretty late last night with some new friends and Kip however singing kareoke and eating a shortstack over an incredibly loud assortment of conversations (some of the material I don't dare repeat to the squeamish). This really helped with the stress I had to finally feel comftorable and feel accepted again. Good feeling it always is.

I've decided to bring about new goals:

Motivation for understanding

Being and looking physically fit

That's all I care to type right now. Stay sharp, people!

#54

2009-07-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

All hail, Beatmaster Wall-E!

2009-07-17T15:03:00.001-07:00

Want to hear new music circulating around the industry that I've been digging?

http://www.tonotapes.blogspot.com

Simple as that.

#53

2009-07-15T21:13:00.000-07:00

Me versus me versus me versus them versus me etc...

I've concurrently been thinking - about the balance of my identity versus other people's perception - with the seemingly obtuse pile of spanish homework and sleepless thoughts that seem to clutter my life in every direction this summer. There's an incredible self-given notion of responsibility which may have been influenced from the outside world and its current economic status, thus I must spew my thoughts among the internet once again. I give you, 'mind vomit'!

Enjoy

I've always been creative.

Some might say 'artist'.

Some might say 'musician'.

Some might say 'contrivinist'.

In all due respect to these terms - I hate them all. They are a label, a categorization, a hinderance, and a crutch. The day I picked up the pencil to draw, or the day I picked up the guitar share no relation to who I want to be in this life. I just want to be Antonio. I feel that these terms give an awful perception of what my capabilities and weaknesses may be.

For example: If some where to ask a person who knew me, "Hey! What's Antonio like?"

That person might say something to the extent of: "Oh, he's kind of strange. He plays music and very artisitc. He's probably the coolest guy in the world."

I may or may not have made that last statement up, but someone has to understand what I'm coming at. In all reality, I don't want these things. I feel doomed to the very intstruments that I play and the tools that allow me to create, because I feel like I'm just trying to fit some sort of role - as if to pidegon-hole myself for life.

I've always believed that while one can't help how they might have grown up, people can still change have an incredible amount of potential to accomplish anything they might want to in life if they work hard or get lucky enough. This pargarpah seems contradictory to the last, seemlingy so, but here's where I spring back into action!

If I where to throw out a hypothetical Antonio, how much would be true or still hypothetical? Antonio the businessman! Antonio the statician! Antonio the follower of Christ! Antonio the coolest person in the world! Antonio the responisbile and successful man his father has always wanted him to be!

But what of it?! If these hold any truth, then what purpose could they not serve anyone? Am I to be so limited and not broaden my horizon? And for what?! So I can live this American Dream? So I can go get a job? Raise kids? Have a wife and a white picket fence around my mansion?

Would an artist or musician do these things? I have come upon the sick stigma that these roles have not been very successful with American Dream way of life as trends seem to rear themselves upward more-so than the stereotypes that barely peek above the water. Am I to be perceived this way?

In the current economic recession, jobs are dropping like tears before the flies do! Thorough speculation has shown that this recession won't completely end until 2020! That is ridiculous.

If anyone knows anything about the artist, they know that finding a job is probably one of the most daunting tasks if they want a steady income. If I so happen to graduate college by 2011, then I have 9 years to battle every other artist in the world who more talentend than I.

...BUT THERE IS HOPE!

In all of my greatest panics, there is a God looming over my head and living in my heart saying, "There is hope! You can do all things through me!" And behold my glorious smile irks out from the indecision and worry of the future. Oh, good gravy! The things I will do in this life!

So who am I?

I am Antonio.

Nothing more right now, but nothing less.

#52

2009-07-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today is a budding world of chance and oppurtunity!

Today I finally have given up facebook for a long while. It's so crazy how I let it envelope some of my major priorities and have neglected what I should care about most. I feel this is only a smell step to allow myself to take bigger steps in life. To finally work out, to look into internships, to breathe in the open air, to study harder, and to be an adult. If anyone is keeping track with this, then good for you! I really don't expect anyone to read the things that I write these days anymore. I think I've finally hit the status of pretentious art kid by expressing random poetic thoughts and song throughout my small time here in college. It's such a strange feeling too, I never was like this in High School, ok, not totally..but I think maybe that's why not a lot of people care to hear or listen to what I have to say because I've been stereotyped in some way. Who

Maybe I'm just insecure about my own identity. Maybe aliens live somewhere else. AND MAYBE The Macaroni Monster truly does live in cherry blossom cave of France! In any case, I hope to learn more about how to overcome some of my subtle insecurities and learn how I can be a much happier person - to one day be a beaming smile to the world.

Whatever the case is. This song makes me so happy.

#51

2009-07-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

Art-isms!

These are some things I made in photoshop today. Nothing extra super complicated, but I definitely have learned how to use the alpha channels and color range selection. I can, hilariously, thank some of the things learned to the amazing videos of 'You Suck at Photoshop'. Anywho, here are 2 creations.

Neat right? I think so too!

This is going to be my facebook default picture for a while once I go on my hiatus. I might re-edit it a bit sometime later before then, but I like it so far haha.

#50

2009-07-10T12:38:00.001-07:00

Let the Hiatus Begin!

No more Facebook for a while.

To live free with a sense of priority.

#49

2009-07-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

Portugal. The Man

The Satanic Satanist

Released July 21

In the summer of some horribly placed sunrays comes Portugal. The Man's fourth CD, "The Satanic Satanist". The tracks flow together seemlessly, and it's something to be admired as some albums don't pull this off as well as this album. If your'e not paying attention, People Say can morph into Work All Day without you even realising it.. As much I admire the progressive change this band has gone through, I still miss the rock sound I fell in love with them for, when they sounded more like the Mars Volta and were much more spazz-rock/experimental. However, now it seems like they're trying to revisit the 60's and just really too low key sometimes for my taste as if they have lost their youth and love for rock and roll. Sometimes, I also think the singer, John Gourley, sometimes sings like a one-trick pony in the same pentatonic phrasisings you might find in a lot of blues albums or their last two releases. Don't get me wrong though, I'm in love with the tone of his voice, if not, in the largest bit, jealous of it.

His voice shines so much more in the Portugal's first album, in which Gourley experiments with differnt sounds. Thankfully, some of the electronic experimentation has come back on this album in the same vein as it did on Waiter: "You Vultures!". It's done in a way that doesn't detract too much from the song, and is tastefully done. In some ways I get a bit tired of the happy blues feel that rings through 75% of the listen (similar to Church Mouth and Censored Colors). As far as I can tell though, I think I like this a bit more than their previous effort, Censored Colors, due to the apparent focus on album flow recording quality. The biggest problem that might shy away fans just might also be very reason that people are attracted to this band - they have a tendency sound like the Beatles, as heard in the intro guitar of "Everyone is Golden". If anything, the music is more about the message and the ideas it is trying to bring across. There is more substance to finally be found in tracks like 'Let You Down' to be followed by the wonderful closing track, 'Mornings'. This album is short and sweet and leaves you wanting more. A very well-played tactic by Portugal leaving me with one question: Did they just run out of ideas and re-hash old ideas?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a grower as Gourley alludes to in his news post on Portugal. The Man's main website. I'm definitely going to have to digest this a bit more, but if anything it is great to listen to outside in your car, or at a picnic.

Stand-out tracks:

People Say

Work All Day

Lovers in Love

Do You

Let You Down

Mornings

2009-07-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

A list of famous people I would love to meet:

Tom Morello - My guitar hero before the game even came out. Political ativist. Revolutionary guitar player. Harvard Grad. Awesome.
Marian Barber - Probably one of the best players for the Cowboys. As I always say, "The guy just makes plays!"
Sylvester Stalone - Ever just wanted to in close proximity to something incredibly badass? I do. That's this guy.
Jack Johnson - He wins at life. Grew up a pro surfer. Great musician. Awesome voice. Just a really great songwriter. With his songs, it's hard to forget most the words for his songs. He just has a gift in writing pop music. He's also a family man and an eviromentalist.
Thom Yorke - There's something so mysterious about this fellow sometimes to me. This guy is just a genious. He writes great music and his voice can range from creepy to gorgeous. Also has always a political activist and enviromentalist.
Andrew Jackson - I know he's dead, but he was probably the most badass president that ever existed. His presidency was almost tyrantial and didn't take can crap from anybody.
Liv Tyler - I must marry this woman. She's a goddess. I know she's old, but hey, as my friend once said, "If the field is green, PLAY BALL!"
Conan O'Brien - He is just a great entertainer. I think he succeeds Jay Leno in a really fresh way. He goes above and beyond in terms of comedy. He isn't afraid to be weird and gets away with it. It's a dream of mine to be on his show and be interviewed by him.
Aaron Weiss - I've given this guy a hug. I hope to have a slew of deep religious and ridiculous conversations with this man. He's a poet. An artist. A musician. An awesome man.
Will Smith - Who the hell wouldn't want to meet the Prince of Bel-Air???

That's all so far. I'd work more on this list, but 60 Minutes is on.

#48

2009-07-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

Bring Me the Frame

You found me a fish out of water

I struggle from the change

My thoughts run on empty

As If they were full

Dear Truth,

Here I am

With Love,

Your dividend

Put it up in a frame

an untitled feeling I can't quite explain

Once jaded in happenstance

But now in my own convictions

Turpentine peels my paint

Yet I yearn for a coat

Whatever this is

Take it away

You've won

Just bring me the frame

To put up in the halls of my head

I'm so sick of feeling dead

So just give me the frame

Just bring me the frame

#47

2009-06-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

spanish

¡He visto un ejército de tiburónes viciosos y quieren comer mis osos crespos con sus bocas monstruosas, por que ellos no tienen compasión por cosas lindas!

#46

2009-06-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

Holding Hands with God

It's funny to say where I began and where I'll end. I wonder if the way I've turned out as a person is where I really need to be. Is this where God wants me? I doubt it, but I think maybe there's something bigger behind the path I'm taking in God's plan. But how about where I end? By the end of my life will I know that I have fulfilled God's will? It's hard to know sometimes, because you can feel so alone in a mass of people who all trying to live the way they know best/how.

My friend, Kip, shared a marquee from a church that read

"Obedience shortens the distance between you and any miracle you're seeking."

Very interesting thing to say. It really sort of hit me in way to realize something about how I fit in God's will. I know full well my God is a graciouslovingmercifulmiraculousallpowerful God. He is like a father to me in every way. He is everything that encapsulates what I'm working torward. I go about my day-to-day life just feeling the love of Jesus in me. It really has altered how think about things and deal with situations. However, it's really affecting me in real word situations. I keep telling myself everything will be alright if God is on my side. I do believe that, but the above quote reveals an interesting twist in how much God might actually intervene in our lives.

"God helps those who help themselves"

As much as God provides for us, we can not go under the idea he will always be there to hold our hand. Just as much as God makes a decision to not answer a prayer, he will also leave us to deal with the weight of our decisions. In all of God's grace, our ability to have free-will is an amazing amount of evidence that God just may not hold our hand every step of the way. When really when we need God, he may not be there to so quickly give us whatever miracle we are seeking. There is a need for obedience. The ability to patient for God's plan. We need to be living our life still as humans and deal with the necessary real trials of human life, but God is not there to bail us out everytime. We are to establish a relationship with him in everything we do. In all we do, we should do it to glorify God in the highest. As much as you really try to fully rely in God, there is an underlying consequence of our sin that can not be avoided by us or by God's desicions. For example, it is not God who puts us in jail, it is our actions and the policemen who do. While, some might argue, God might have some intervention, it is still imperative we understand the reality of situations than to blame God for the outcomes. I think God can only hold on to fool's hand for so long before he is snatched by the hand of Satan. God is allowing us to choose, as a loving God should, I would think.

Are we alone? No. God is always with us. But it is in those times we feel so alone without God we should want him even more. God loves us enough to let us make our own decisions, but he also loves us enough to know when to step in and take some control.

#45

2009-06-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

Politics

I trip on blades of grass

Letting details take over

It's unreal the way we act

Who else might need an arm?

Funny the things we do with our lips

We'll kiss, we'll spit

We'll yell, and disrespect

Just don't say that

Just don't say this

I think we can all admit

We're all scared to live

But we take it with every breath

I exhale to feel hollow

Death doesn't keep politics quiet

It only spreads them

Will death keep anyone quiet?

#44

2009-06-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

Notes about Notes

Musical Project Ideas

- Write an experimental CD of atmospherics and such based solely off interesting news headlines I find.

-Write music and lyrics based on just the description of different locations. No particular moral or story in any song. Just singing about the ugliness and beauty of nature.

Recent Mix for my Mom: Mercantilism

Lisztomania by Phoenix
Put A Penny In the Slot by Fionn Regan
Anonanimal by Andrew Bird
Life Is On TV by Ebb
Created by Portugal. The Man
Forever Heavy by Black Moth Super Rainbow
Somedays by Regina Spektor
Saved by The Dear Hunter
Hunter's Map by Fionn Regan
The Flying Club Cup by Beirut
Gobbledigook by Sigur Ros
Emergency Performance Art Piece by The Most Serene Republic

#43

2009-06-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am now 20 years old

This post is dedicated to Sophia Shah

#42

2009-06-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

Put it in Stereo

Life as a movie script captured in melodrama acrobatic.

There are words that find meaning in my semantics.

They might soon capture myself on a screen,

To live in color with high-definition scenes!

Might I climb a ladder in skipped steps?

Formerly ignore the latter without clefs.

And if the green wants to suck me in,

I may not ever bother, I may not ever bother,

But through lit black frames, I'd have to wonder

And if the clicks want my word

I may not ever bother, I may not ever bother.

But through lit black frames I'd have to venture.

Put it in stereo

Reap it from the record store

Call call call it on the radio

#41

2009-06-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Swimming in Lemonade

I am swimming, swimming

In my parent's American dream.

Toasted peanut butter jelly

Sandwhiches with lemonade.

Back from a baseball game.

Summer shores on sunny sundays.

Bright middle-class suburbia.

#40

2009-06-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Artism!

Composed!
Assimilated!
Cast out and frustrated!
Ink blots firing at the white of their eyes.
Filling in the gaps, like every other guy.
You're lost?
Go out and find yourself...
...like every other hippy!
The artist making artistic artistry

Artism - 1. noun - narcistic cynicism

(may include paint, sounds, words, lies, and classicism)

#39

2009-06-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

I Awoke by Thunder

Lightning ripped through a twilight sky

Well thunder cut so hard it turned me shy

And before that collapse of the rain

Like a synapse we road out again

The wind, that rush - I'd have it back

Because as far as I can tell I've got the knack

In risking my life on wheels

A life, maybe, hellbent on steel

And I awake by thunder every morning

My heart beat skips, with the beats soaring

Higher, higher, higher, higher, higher

I awoke by thunder

#38

2009-06-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

Things Learned!

A small collection of orphan puppies are brought to Pet Co. twice a month. If you would like to look into a particular puppy, you the option to walk it around the store on a leash with one of the Pet Co. workers who will ask you questions based on your experience with puppies to ensure you are a good parent for the puppy. Interesting.
There are apparently a collection of people who believe to be Chrisitan psychics. The term for these Christian psychics is "pxychics". They feel that they have been given the gift of prophecy from God. An article I read claimed that it was no longer commonplace to assume that all psychichs worship the devil and that there are actually an alarming amount of Christian psychics. They say it's just something they were born with. I'm skeptical, of course, because I can't believe everything on the internet. Interesting though.
I have figured out a way to plug my iPod into my guitar pedals and manipulate the sound of the song playing from the iPod. Very neat stuff. I'm thinking of making my own tracks in Reason 4.0 for backing tracks or record backing tracks so that I always have a full band playing out my amp I can just play along if I'm doing a solo set. Interesting.
It is a common misconception that people really believed the world was flat in Columbus times. The Portugese and the Spanish apparently were more concerned about Columbus running out of food for the whole crew while he was on the Atlantic. Interesting.
I learned I really get inspired to create art when I find someone who is constantly passionate about it. It really gets me invigorated to give a go at things. Interesting.
I learned humans are more naturally designed to me herbivorous than carnivorous. It was not til after The Fall did the humans and animals begin to eat meat. Intersting.
History Homework. NOT INTERESTING

2009-06-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

Is it any wonder when people commit suicide,

that we still want them to rest in peace?

Either there is some realization life is not peaceful in special cases,

or that maybe some might not rest even after this life.

2009-06-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

We act accordingly to

as if we never knew

passion, pent up pride,

prices, punctuality

I rule the real

the dream will rule

the reeling out my

my deepest self

my personality personafiably potentially

could use a fix

I'm built up, but you can still tear bricks

i am not made of steel

2009-05-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

New lyrics?

Hope Screamed, "You must have faith!"

Hope in shrouds of dust

Incandescent blacks

Lucid was a faithful thought

But lost in (all this) smoke

Ring out the shadows

You'll find they reek in light

The battle is not lost

Until you tell your self so

You fall away

When hope could explain

The worry in all hearts

So bring us above ground

Where we belong

GRACE RINGS LIKE BELLS

#37

2009-05-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

This Place Smells Familiar, This Place Smells Like Home.

No Place Like This In Either London, France, or Rome.

I'm back in Rowlett and I've come to an awful surprise. Apparently, as hard as you work in school your grades sometimes just don't want to show for it. Right now, I am trying to make sense of all the wreckage and learning how to be more proactive and organized. This summer I will be learning to be responsible and know my limits. However, I regret nothing and loved what good I found in everything last semester.

So let's ring in the summer with bells of joy! Opportunity hangs just around the corner.

#36

2009-05-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

The Logical Groundwork of Men Has Reached an Epiphany!

Send in the Philosophers!

Antonio: You, sire! Who goes there??

Justin: It is I.

Antonio: You is I?

Justin: I is me. And you isnt me; it's you.

Antonio: Ah! So me is not I. I am you.

Justin: Yes.

#35

2009-05-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I Write Straight-Up Pop Songs

Smooth

Hand me that mountain

And I'll do my work

Dampen the ridges

And turn them into curves

Girl you got to be smooth

Girl you got be be smooth

Eyes on the prize

Don't let it go

But if you want me

You have to let it show

Girl you got to be smooth

I want to know

What makes you tick

To find out

That trick to your kiss

Girl you got to be smooth

#34

2009-05-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

Pulse

Smoked lungs heave out,

another black cough.

Some cigarettes offered,

asking if this was I want.

A pulse of nerves to my brain,

telling me I should flee.

But if senses really knew fear,

I'd truly have all I need.

I heard spring birds in the trees,

singing their little tunes.

A sheer wall of dissonance,

that warned of coming june.

They said, "You're getting old!"

"You'll run out of breath!"

I replied "If you hear this song again,

I've already cheated death!"

May the widows see brighter fates,

without their other half.

But if their story's is ending soon,

They will always finish last.

But if I never wed; I'm not concerned,

I'll live content how I want.

Love will find me in the end,

when they say that it won't.

Do you feel that pulse?

It's in your veins!

Do you feel that pulse?

Let it make you go insane.

Paths lie before a man,

One he will choose.

Hell begins to ring out

whispering beckoned doom.

Well if Satan wants me now,

I've already made my choice.

And if he want to hear me now,

Here is the noise to...

...the pulse!

Well it's in your veins!

Do you feel that pulse?

Let it make you go insane.

#33

2009-05-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

"From a distance he looked like the insect we always seemed to know. But really, what we discovered was a giant overseeing the rolling grassy hills with the sun em-blazing the crest of his shoulders. There was that wild look in his eye, like he knew something we didn't. He could have called upon ripping earthquakes ripe in destruction, but had no need to. We were still afraid of him, but more-so attracted to the magnitude of the complexity in his character. As apprehensive as we always had been, maybe we could be believers in the 'gentle giant' today."

I really wonder if I'm getting really any smarter here in college or just cautious and open-minded about everything at the same time. I feel afraid to do most anything here in college and sometimes I feel like I'm too outgoing for my own good. I need to break from some shell. Oh, gosh....maybe what this is what it's like turning into an....Adult! Oh man, I feared this day would come.

#32

2009-05-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

Honk, Honk!

Beep, Beep!

Get me off Easy Street!

Today I was quoted for merely replying to someone in inquiring how I had been lately. My answer was, "Enjoying life as much as I can". I thought it sort of odd that my friend, Bri, would write it down in her journal. I started thinking about quotes in general. Started thinking all day about the words people say to each other. Those interesting methods of communication that excite and/or bore you, mixed with a healthy combination of body language and tone. When one articulates his words, a lot of people go beyond what is said and look deeper within for a supposed intent. But what gets me is how the quotes we know today strike that match and proclaim the profoundness in the combination of words.I hope that maybe there are more profound things found that are not found in quotes. Were these things off-hand accounts wisdom, or might they be well-thought out placement of words use for the right methods of emphasis, tone, and profoundness? While I feel like I don't say the most profound things in the world, I think I speak the truth people aren't really willing to hear. To what goal does the act of being profound really hope to achieve? Is provoking thought really enough? It leaves me scared for those who misconstrue the intent of the profound things people say. Maybe it is wise to think that not all profound things are true. But really, it's 3 AM and I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

2009-04-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

hold that center

fall forward anyways

"with physics rules don't bend

do they?"

#31

2009-04-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

Experimentious

new lyrics! song in the works.

SCENE 1

"There's blood in the water!"

Makes blood thinner.

"Call the nurse and the doctor!"

So sorry I was too late.

"You're losing blood!"

SCENE 2

White walls, black figures

Red cross, white curtains

Hospitable the hospital bed

White sheets I lay in...

My feets they walk

White sheets I lay in...

Your feet... they won't...

SCENE 3

"Sick-mate, I'll leave you."

Words say I'll miss you so.

I'm convinced you're convinced now,

"There is no home here!"

SCENE 4

Serve yourself your poison

Euthanasia concoction!

#30

2009-04-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

When the Catholic Girls Go Camping, the Nicotine Vampires Reign Supreme

I have 3 An Absence of Color shows coming up!

"Hank Fest" May 2 @ Art Six - 4pm

"Bruce Jam" April 30th @ Bruce Hall - 8:30pm

"Spin 180 89.7 Power FM" May 12th @ DFW New Beginnings - 7pm?

#29

2009-04-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Surrender yourself while I surrender my all first.

God is humbling me in so many ways. Prayers are being answered and it's catching me by surprise.

#28

2009-04-18T01:58:00.000-07:00

RhymingRhymesThatRhyme

I'm a certain sort of salad developed in the mix

Cuz I kick back with my kicks,

Wondering how many licks it takes

to get what's at stake

in the real world where people are fake

Well we're really susceptible and

incredibly impeccable of believing

anything we hear in the smallest of decibels

So let me raise the level of how much you're aware

of the scare that's laid bare when you start to care

But you wouldn't dare ask questions until you've become prepared

with a skill set that side steps, that might just work your biceps

to contracept concepts that expect us to hit the decks

and cover for our lives as husbands 'round the world just trying to feed their wives

as the economy dives to the deep end, in a descend

to defend our values of the populous

where we have enough nerve to throw apples at our president

and say, "you got served"

So set precedent of things you love the most

and hold close those you know and leave room for those you don't

#27

2009-04-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

A Warm Jacket.

I wish I had this warm jacket that warmed the coldest of people. When I say cold, I mean: the lonely, the sick, the troubled, the sorrowful. A jacket compacted with all the love I have for those people with the never-ending love that Jesus fulfills in all things. Sometimes I wonder how in the world I can exert my love in the most genuine form. I often feel maybe I'm doing things wrong, so that instead of handing people warm jackets, I just gave them a handful of scarves. It has come to my attention that some people would rather be stubborn about their emotions. While I think I'm giving them a warm jacket, I think sometimes they think they are still a polar bear in a snowstorm. Sometimes, I can give my all and it will never be enough. However, I know God is a an amazing God, and where I might fail, he will persevere and shine through people. I see it all the time, and it gives me so much more evidence to God's grace and mercy.

Is there a moral to this drawn-out analogy? I don't know quite yet. So far, one person I used to care about the most, seems to have found me irrelevant all because I offered a warm jacket. It's invaded my thoughts and it's consistently questioned everything. I want to be more wrong than right about this, but it turns out, my wisdom kills the best in me.

#26

2009-04-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

You're bright and beautiful! You're just like Easter morning!

new song in the works...

Grapevine spits/out sour forms/and they return.
Grapevine spits/my ignorance/in arrogance./I am found.
Grapevine spits./My finger tips/are worn.
Grapevine spits...
Grapevine spits...
Grapevine spits...

...incomplete...

#25

2009-03-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

Choices!

Choices, choices, choices.

The news thus far is I did not get accepted to be an RA despite how well my interview went. I came into the interview an experienced man, just breathing opportunity and hope for the housing of UNT, but they somehow did not see me fit. It's really been a damper on my week so far. I have wanted to be RA for 3 semesters so far. I've worked so hard to get my GPA up from the craptacular one I got my first semester, and I stayed in housing much longer to better my chances. It's been a small dream of mine to be an RA because I genuinely love the community here at UNT and I want to give back to it what it has done for me. Alas, I am stuck with choices.

Choices thus far:

-Live at other dorm

-Stay in Bruce

-Live in an Apartment

-Live in cardboard box (ok, not really)

-Try for RA one more semester.

If anything, I'm going to Housing soon to find out what in the world went wrong. Until then, God will be my strength in dealing with this busy week.

Time to get back to studying.

#24

2009-03-29T00:00:00.001-07:00

Earthworms

Traveled through atmospheres of smoke and sound,

Where heads are as thick as the crowd.

This headache is cooked in a dimly lit room,

Steaming for too long, too long, too long.

It's a wonder people come to listen to songs.

I've seen bigger stars as the earthworms of rock,

Traveling through underground venues minimally stocked.

They are not identified yet, but they one day will be.

When the rain fails they will come up for air to breathe.

Earthworms! Earthworms! From the dirt they feed!

Writings songs of bad choices, heart-break, and greed!

#23

2009-03-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

Let Us Study the Stars and Imagine for a Moment They Know Something We Don't.

Cold case cosmological arugement!

When the universe is solved,

Only religion will be left.

We are not the home,

But like the steeple of the church,

Not like dead men walking

That belong back in the hearse.

There is still work to do,

There is still work to be done.

We are still not yet through,

Thy kingdom must come.

2009-03-20T00:51:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep.
hip hop and u don't stop.
hit song.
let it burst and bloom.
sink to the beat.

#22

2009-03-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

New Lyics! Hooray!

Ok, so they aren't really that new. They've been in my pocket notebook for months now, but I finally found some chords that go with it all. That's what happens when you leave me at the guitar store for 2 and 1/2 hours! So here we are. I still don't know what call to it quite yet. The lyrics aren't finished I can only remember the basic framework. I have to add some here and there for a more complete thought in the song. So far I'm calling it in my mind, "Into the Great Unknown"

Untitled (Into the Great Unknown)
By: Antonio Nogueras

I'm a vessel, I'm a ship
Heading outward west
I'm a bird in a flock
Have you seen my nest?

I'm flower in a field
In the sunset
Blooming high above the rest
Just don't pick me yet

(chorus)
I long for ocean
To come and take me away
Without a woman
To keep my by the bay

I'm boy, she's a girl
And I'm all alone
Give me a yes, Give me a no
Beacause I gotta know!

A nomad I am
In the wildest of greens
I'm an anchor now
But free me to the seas!

#21

2009-03-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

It's that swirling of the leaves!
It's that infectious disease!
It's art, art, art and it will not cease!

If somone has been paying attention, I've been updating this blog everyday during the break as a means to reflect some thoughts and grow and practice writing during the break as I never seem to do it enough during the school year.

I'm half-practicing Lent this year for the first time in my life. I gave up sodas for better health, staying away from caffeine, my voice teacher highly recommends it, and I've always wanted to see how long I can stay away from them. I'm doing pretty well in staying away from them, but it has been one of the hardest things when it's so available and I'm getting sick of lemonade, powerdade, juice, and water. I miss those abrasive bubbles that stirred in my throat with every hard sip of gingerale. I miss the incredible and immense flavor of Dr. Pepper that has left me to believe that God really does exist or that He smiles upon us Texans just a little more than the lesser states of America.

However, like I said, I'm only "half-praciticing" lent. I'm drinking one every once in a while, but for the most part staying away from it. So, here it goes...I am popping open a can of Vernors Gingerale straight from the fridge and I might even have two. *walks away from laptop*
Alright, I'm back. Man, this is good stuff.

Lent is something I've never come to understand, but my understanding has come to this point. Right now, I understand that it represents Jesus when he was walking through the dessert for 40 days being tempted and whatnot by the Devil. I realize that this practice is essential in becoming more like Christ to realize how He overcame temptation and that we might ourselves not hinder ourselves with our own to glorify God in all that we do. We can not glorify God in acts of sin and temptation, or become more Christ-like.

HERE I AM.
I say I'm half-practicing it, because it's my first time. I can live with or without sodas, it's not the biggest of deals, and I seem to have pretty much a good handle of it. I'm just kind of using Lent as a word for me giving up sodas right now so that I can always remind myself, "Hey, Antonio...don't even think of getting coke from the soda dispenser!". But really, it has been a very interesting experience trying to deny the things I love to really see God in it all. Maybe one day I'll give up much more, or I'll for a day or two. I don't think God is really trying to keep score here.

#20

2009-03-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Courage is the mastery of fear - not the absence of it"

I'd debate the above quote, but it's what I got in my fortune cookie today and I already have another point to drive.

Today, I went on my annual walk to the duck pond with my grandma, but with my little brother, Marcos. We fed the ducks and geese corn. We also fed the squirrels nuts that had fallen from the surrounding trees. On the way back, Marcos began to speak of the nuts and the squirrels in his 5-year-old way. After fumbling for the words to articulate his thought; he finally came to his most profound revelation at the time. He said to me:

"Squirrels are scared of us because we look like giants to them!"

Wow. As simple as the statment is, it's actually very interesting for my little brother to figure this out. It seems my brother had grasped a simple value of perspective and fear. He had captured into words his thought of what squirrels might be thinking. I wondered to myself that maybe he had come to this conclusion beforehand because he might have that same perspective as a small 5-year-old boy to the towering family he has around him. We are giants to him, yet he has no idea of the tremendous amount of mental and physical giants he will face in his life.

I too always come to grips with the fact that I am a small man compared to a lot of men out there. I am not a strong businessman or athelete, but moreso a creative entertainer, thinker, and teacher of Christ. I myself can feel so small in this huge expansive world. I can feel like this pale dot in the blackest of clouds. While I would like to say size is always relative, I know it won't be so relative once I get in a fight with a tiger or wrestler.

I remember being at Bill Nye's lecture and was talking about how we are the only planet that can sustain life, and that we are this small pale blue dot with the most amazing and immense universe surrounding us. He began to state that made him feel so insignificant to the universe because of how small we are to it. However, I completely thought the other way around! I remember thinking, that makes us pretty cool as the only people in the universe! No one is like us, and we don't have to share! We are existance! We think of the universe, the universe does not think of us. AWESOME!

I came to the conclusion a long time ago:
I am small but I have the most enormous of ideas!
I am small but I can do the most immense of things!
I am small but I have a God so big!

My perception is not limited to the size of the universe but the limitations of my thoughts! Am I bigger than then universe? Not physically. And mentally I probably will never conceptualize the entirety of the universe, but by golly I am so much closer to realizing it than the universe ever could itself. I fear not the giants of the universe, but that my own wits can not save me from them! Bring it on, World! err...universe

#19

2009-03-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

Looking For: Dating, Networking, A Relationship, True Love, Marriage, Socks, Remote

Here's a bit of opening up on my end. I think I might bring to light something that's been bothering me a little bit since the semester started.

Imagine this kid: Barely 18, graduating from class of 13, and entering a college of almost 30,000. Can you imagine the culture shock that begins to rock my world?

Despite the ocean I was thrown into, I also seemed to have made friends with many of its inhabitants. It's like I learned about every creature and befriended them all for who they were. Friends have come ago, and cliques began to form. I learned how could find some small fulfillment in all the small cliques I would fequent so that I know only learned about different people and had a good time, but that I also made connections and remained resourceful.
It seems the older I get, and the more I revisit some of these people, the more I'm having to adjust my behavior to acceptable speeds. In some ways I feel more awkward around the people because I've never consistently just been myself anymore. I seem to bending over backwards to just do what people want. In some ways, this could be seen as humility, but part of it is me missing myself. I think very few people have really met who I am. I'm never sure what people think of me, and that's the weirdest thing in the world. I've heard once tha some people can only take me in small doses. Whether that's true or not, I'm pretty sure some people love me for who I am, and that's the greatest encourageent. But really, I think I'm more rambling now...

Just watch this video. It's changing my life right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siNsgbIWhAQ&NR=1